I’ve struggled with whether or not I wanted to write out Henley’s birth story. If I’m being honest, it’s not a beautiful day or a day that I remember as one of the best days of my life. We talk about birth quite a bit around here to normalize it and to help them prepare for their brother’s upcoming birth. Henley turns 5 today and just loves to hear the story of how she was born. Through that and decisions we’ve made since, I’ve come to realize that it’s our story and it was written for a reason.

Before becoming pregnant, I honestly never thought a whole lot about labor or delivery. We were living in Louisville, KY at the time. We did what most expecting parents do and took a few hospital classes and I also watched the documentary, “The Business of Being Born”. After watching it, I was convinced that I wanted to attempt my labor as naturally as possibly which I discussed with my OB. Around 38 weeks, we had another ultrasound where they were measuring Henley to be a fairly large baby. At our next appointment, our Dr began discussing induction at 40 weeks. At the same appointment, she also talked to us about what a c-section would look like. I just remember leaving and feeling so confused as to why she even brought it up. Andrew and I were just so ecstatic to meet our baby girl and trusted that our Dr knew best.

I wanted to avoid induction and tried EVERYTHING to induce pregnancy naturally before the day came but she was just not ready. At 40 weeks, we were admitted to the hospital to begin the induction with Cervidil. The next morning, there were no changes so they began giving me pitocin. They started slow and kept building for the next couple of hours. I still wasn’t feeling anything yet but the nurses repeatedly came into my room asking if I was ready for my epidural. (BTW. loved my day nurses) Around noon, the Dr came in to break my water and discovered meconium in the water. Soon after, I certainly started feeling contractions!! I tried managing my pain through back to back contractions but it felt near impossible while being stuck to the bed and monitors. After zero changes, I told the nurses I was officially ready for my epidural. The anesthesiologist was AMAZING at his job. I actually told him that I loved him before he left my room! HA!

I continued throughout the day flipping from one side to the other with very little changes. Around 9 or 10pm, I came down with a fever and my body was shaking and at that point, I had only dilated to a 7. I continued on like that for another hour or 2 or so without any explanation. Around 12:30pm, we began to hear the heart monitors alerting us that Henley’s heart rate was over 200. We had not seen our Dr since noon that day and I was begging our nurse to see our Dr so that I could at least know what was going on. Our nurse went ahead and called the Dr in and she said to begin prepping for an emergency c-section.

A lot of the details are foggy for me from there. I remember that I was still shaking uncontrollably and wasn’t able to stop crying. As I was being wheeled to the operating room, my mind brought me back to EXACTLY one year before where I was being wheeled into another operating room for an emergency D&C after hemorrhaging blood from our miscarriage. I was so overwhelmed with emotions (and probably exhaustion). The difference was that this time I was able to hear the sweet, sweet cry of our baby girl. She was born at 1:14am weighing 8 pounds 12 ounces. As they pulled her out, the Dr made a comment about how good it was that I had a c-section since she would never have fit (thank you for that icing on the cake). They wrapped her up and I saw her face very quickly but also felt very nauseous and mentioned that to one of the drs around me. He stuck a shot in my shoulder and I do not remember much from there. I slept the rest of the night while Henley was brought to the NICU for antibiotics for possible meconium inhalation. I woke the next day wanting to know if I could see and finally hold my baby. I begged my nurse to let me see her. She spent the next few days not feeling like my own where I saw her in 3 hour increments to nurse her. When we finally got to go home, she was OURS!

I want to finish by saying that I am so so SO thankful that we came home with a healthy baby. I have heard countless stories where that’s not the case and I am extremely sensitive to that and cannot imagine that kind of loss. Unfortunately, I also know now that our story is NOT uncommon. I spent months wondering why I was still sad about our birth experience when I was physically healthy and we had a healthy baby at home. That’s all that really matters, right? That’s what others told me when I brought up these feelings.

Of course, a healthy baby is the primary concern, but I also believe that healthy moms matter too. I was never and will never be sad that Henley was born via c-section! That little 5 year old loves to hear how there is a special spot on my tummy that she was able to come out of and I will forever be happy to share that with her. I am thankful for nurses and drs who do their job everyday and save lives. I was sad that I said “yes” to unnecessary interventions that led to other unnecessary interventions. I was sad that I wasn’t respected. I was sad that they wouldn’t explain what happened to me and to Henley during my labor even when I asked. I was sad that my baby or my body didn’t feel like my own. I was sad that I was made to feel like my body was broken. Women should feel respected and empowered in labor rather than bullied and pushed. I believe that every women should be able to birth as they please with consent and respect. Whether you decide to birth at home, hospital, birth center, with an epidural or without one, I hope that you feel supported and cared for in your birth space. If you’ve experienced a birth like this, I want you to know that you are not alone. I thought I was and it truly helped to know that I was not alone when I began reading other’s stories.